Learning how to love yourself is at the very heart of your ability to create and enjoy the wonderful life that you desire. The benefits of self love touch every part of your being – physical, mental and emotional. It gives you a sense of inner peace and quiet confidence that keeps you centred so that you are not easily swayed by outside events and the opinions of others. It also creates a beautiful energy around you which attracts people and circumstances that mirror and enhance your positive feelings. Self love is not about being arrogant, selfish or egotistical, in fact it is just the opposite. The only way to truly feel love for yourself is to become really loveable. That means honestly assessing the way you are, and then consciously choosing to change those things that are not in alignment with the beautiful person whom you wish to be. It is a process of un-learning negative habits from your past, and replacing them with values and behaviours that make you feel good about yourself.

A great way to get this process started is to make a list of things that you like about yourself. Take some time to really look at who you are and how you act in the world. Your list of “I am ________ ” might include qualities such as intelligent, responsible, attractive, honest, compassionate, considerate, positive, thoughtful, affectionate, generous, etc.. When you have finished the list put it aside until the next day, and then take a fresh look at it. Think of how you would feel if you met someone who had all of the admirable qualities that are on your list. This is the kind of person you would really like to get to know… and it’s you.  

Of course there are other things about yourself that you are less happy with – negative characteristics like arrogance, anger, impatience, pessimism, etc.. These come from old attitudes about life that were imprinted in your mind at an early age, and have gotten more engrained in your personality over the years. The good news is that you have the ability to change these old inherited patterns. An excellent way to start making this change is by using the power of your intention to speak positively about yourself. Most people would be shocked if they could hear a recording of their inner dialogue. It is amazing how many times a day we judge or criticize ourselves with phrases like: “I never have any luck.” “Life is hard.” “I should have ________.” “I’m not good at ________.” At a deeper level what you are really saying is: "I don’t deserve to be happy.” “I don’t deserve to be loved.” “I don’t deserve to have what I want."

Everything that you think and say sends a message to your subconscious mind. When you voice negative thoughts you are reinforcing your old negative belief patterns, and reaffirming that you are not worthy of being loved – by yourself or anyone else. The way to turn this around is to become conscious of your thoughts and words. When negative phrases pop into your head just press your mental DELETE button and replace them with words that reflect the loveable person whom you choose to be. Consciously changing negative self-talk into positive affirmations about yourself and the world around you will create a new core of beneficial beliefs, and this will be reflected in the way you feel about yourself.

We often hear it said that until you learn to love yourself you will not be able to truly give or receive love. Why is this so? Because until we transform the parts of ourselves that are unlovable, we will not feel worthy of being loved, nor of giving love to others. At the deepest level we know that we are not totally loveable, and thus do not deserve the love that is given to us. For the same reason we feel that the love we give to others is not valuable because it comes from an unlovable source - it is “fool’s gold”. Love that comes from such an insecure source will, by its very nature, be limited and fragile. Learning to truly love ourselves allows us to fully experience the giving and receiving of love as beautiful gifts that flow naturally from the very essence of our being.

~ Buddha ~